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I was watching Jim Carry’s Yes Man (for the first time, I’m HoH so I have to wait for the DVD) and just saw the scene where he sings the jumper off the ledge.  Cliche alert!  ;-)

Well, an important thing for me is that even though I don’t really do the Web 2.0 socializing I did do Web .01 (ok, maybe .02) socializing but it was on Ten.net (remember that!).  A game play network done by dial-up modem (remember those!) to a special account that ran from 9/’96 to 10/’99.  I think I was there early on so it *might* have been ‘96 but being very poor it had to be later say ‘97/’98.  My chronology indicates 5/15/1996 so I was dialing way back in it’s very early days!  Wow!

So I am NOT a newbie to the who scene, just not an expert or heavy participant, not my thing.

So I was gaming and reading messages, chatting, when a young man said he was upset and wanted to kill himself.  I got his phone number (somewhere in SoCal) and helped him get through his struggle and encouraged him to call suicide prevention.

It is one life I saved.  But it happens many, many times a day for each worker at the various suicide prevention hotlines and other services!  But it’s still important to me.  Helping people is what I’m all about though it in a small way is why I’m so damned poor.  I helped *too* many people and the wrong ones.

Please, if you know who it might be, please contact me, let me know how he or you are doing.  Let me know.

Oh, and BTW: I made a little goof and that I thought that the kid would want to keep it quiet so I said I would not talk about it or some such thing and he thought I was being modest.  Not with this ego of mine!  ;-)

I didn’t mean I did not want to be acknowledged, just that if he wanted to keep it secret, it was very fine with me.  Funny, huh?! :-)

I do hope he is doing well.

From my Personal Log file:

“Part bed, nothing done, brain wimpy, read ATHF, and wiki as such of such a such. You know what I mean! ;-)**

** For those reading these rambles: it is a joke. Upon reading about a show like Aqua Teen Hunger Force and visiting their main websites I tend to mimic (with very bad timing) the humor and absurdity as such. Of course watching The Tick doesn’t help much.

Hence how my verbal and written statements and demeanor can appear to be royally insane but are not quite that bad, just bad and poorly timed mimicking closely resembling humor in other shows where a character does an inappropriate joke to someone like where I make a “for me” like joke where there is women listening in such as “women! Dey is Cwazy People!”. I’m an Aspie! It’s a good excuse, isn’t it? Or is my humor too intelligent with a “double meaning” sort of humor that is too over the top for 99.99% of people? I do not assume people are stupid! So they should get the joke where I speak OF a men who think women are objects jokes. Women not getting that joke just prove how stupid women are!***

*** Ok, again, here is that humor, no I do NOT think women as stupid. When that humor is used it is always as a statement by the joke writer (like for a TV show) that is saying how stupid men are and hence being a man I am supposed to be the one insulted! Not women! Ok, fine, I’ll try to remember that women are stupid, ok! Is that what you want?! Critic of my jokes!”

I realize that my words are often misunderstood because most people do not get absurdist humor and my timing of the use of it is really bad.  I have Aspergers and that does cause inappropriate behavior which we do not realize all that well that we are doing it.  So I am working hard to control the errors as best I can which I cannot say of so many other people who really need to look at themselves before they criticize me.

I almost think my counselor needs counseling from me about his misunderstandings about me and my “excuse making” which is not intended to be making excuses but to help him to understand my uniqueness which I’m trying to control in order to be more functional in society.

Everyone who interacts with me needs to know I make substantial efforts to better myself and am not totally blind to my errors and am constantly learning about the inappropriateness of my behavior that I am not aware of.  Unfortunately most people, including my counselor, need to focus on other things that are far more important than criticizing me.  I never think that I’m really ok these days.  And when I do slip up on that I catch it and correct it as best I can.  I don’t let it go though I should.

I’m trying to heal from some bad events the last 6 1/2 years plus work on my confidence so I can move on in life like getting a job again and this time being lucky enough to keep it somehow so I can make a living.

From an email asking persons on an email list I’m on about it and talking about it.

I vaguely remember persons talking on this list about animal and related interests that now sounds close to one of the types of "Furries" as they / we are called (I am just starting out learning and 'participating').

I VERY recently discovered Furries & Fursuits purely by accident and did a LOT of research with Wikipedia having wonderful information.  I'm vaguely familiar with Anime (but I don't like Anime, I just understand it) and a branch of Furries is fandom around Anime characters doing Anime style drawings of anthropomorphic characters.  Pity I never learned to draw well.

I've always had a part of my life w/o explanation and it was a very embarrassing subject (along with shoes, musical instruments, etc.) as I never heard from others about Furries.  The popular media makes Furries & Fursuits (dress-up) sound like pornographic crap.  It's so far away it's a stretch to involve "sexual" things.  Never mind the jokes! ;-)

Furries is about an alter-Ego, persona, etc. that everyone has as a part of them.  In my case my dreams including the one special event years ago was dubbed "The LionMan Run" as while taking a trip WAY out in the country back in Sonoma County all to myself I and related dreams would fantasize about becoming part man, part lion taking strength of character from the lion, which I so badly need in my life.

It was embarrassing to talk about because I thought it was almost perverted and in religion thinking about any "human plus animal" subjects is very taboo.  But the special persona (I think that's the word) is common to all people as say when you go into a bank and it's a special situation say like applying for a job or loan you change your attitude and even in my case try to act like a particular character (not overboard) that in effect is taking control of the situation to get results.  Lord knows I have to do that but it's been nightmarishly impossible for me to get so (pushy? Aggressive? I forgot the word) to get what I need.

I can barely make a comparison of the Japanese variations which most of Furries is about by saying it compares in innocence, etc. to their "Hello Kitty" stuff.  At times some Furries activities seem almost childish by really because it's a simple fun hobby.  Of course my first and primary hobby is Model Railroading but that's fallen apart lately.

There is a lot of all this Furries concepts and my LionMan feelings that are really so much like the Superhero(tm) stuff.  I've seen a LOT of Furries persons who were very Geeky!  And there was a recent story (or comic strip?) in the geek news about how so many computer techs are into superhero stuff.  Leaping over tall buildings one line of code at a time...  LOL

And one more note: I think judging from the Wikipedia reading I think the Japanese that in essence started the whole thing were copying the Star Trek Geeks who dressed up in Starfleet uniforms and acting out especially the best part: the Starfleet ideals which are borderline religious but really strong morals, ethics.  But still I never could do that as I thought dressing up in Star Trek costumes to be totally strange (I'm being polite here).

But it would be fun someday to dress up in a good Starfleet uniform and talk to fellow Trekies, but I've never had the nerve and money!

So all that Furries stuff makes sense in a wonderful way including the geek element, hobby, Anime, and definitely an Aspergers Syndrome aspect.

I don't know what to call those incidences where someone sends email or other invitations like I got on this BLOG that's a web 2.0 stuff that is generally unwanted like SPAM.  A "please link to my site, please join my friends network", etc. sort of thing.

It's some phony thing to get "points" or other attention and not legitimate socializing like "hi fellow Aspie!  I saw you on ABC list!".  A real sort of friendship which oddly enough because of my Asperger's Syndrome I really don't feel like doing!

I'm not into that online socializing crap except Yahoo Groups email lists.  Not even BBS, BLOG comments, etc. services except some tech support or other items.

It's those "be my friend (but not a friend)" requests that often can lead to PHISHING attempts, attack sites, pornography, and other crap.

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On the other front, I'm still putting off the system hardware re-build.  I've sorted parts, boxes, etc. in preparation.  I'm building 3 machines:
1. This machine, my primary one (new name: Healdsburg)
2. My backup machine that I'm hoping to use a lot to off load work to (name: Jack London)
3. My legacy machine that will run VERY old hardware and software to recover from backup tapes, etc.  As well as running some vintage games using hardware I couldn't afford then (Matrox Millennium) (name: Kitty Ridge).

My machine names are based on Sonoma County place names though Kitty Ridge is somewhat uncertain as it was on an odd place name online list.

Busy with too much errands and work for my landlord / roommate.

I have all the parts to do the system rebuild, however I can't schedule the time as yet.